Middle-aged Millennial

 Reflections on Age and Life and Living Your Dreams

My name is Thomas, and I am 37 years old.

When I was born, the Cold War was still on, Germany was still divided by a wall, and anything digital was a long way in the future.

I tell stories as long as I can speak, and speak I did with 18 months of age. In full sentences. 

When I was little, I saw pictures of Humphrey Bogart, Marilyn Monroe and James Dean in a book about classic movies, and something strung a chord in me. I started thinking in stories and frames and angles, long before I even know what any of that meant. My parents bought a DV camcorder, which I never was allowed to use, but I got a small Olympus photo camera, which I used a lot. I became obsessed with cameras, not for technical reasons, but for the purpose of seeing the world through a viewfinder, of framing life my way. There still was no internet for a long time, so I had books, MTV, and the movies. Oh the movies!

My first own video was a music video for a band contest, I wrote it in our school’s break room on a Wednesday, then produced and directed it with a friend doing camera and edit later on. At some point we ended up standing on the roof of the school building and directing 800 people to form words and shout a slogan. We made second place, I was 16 years old, and knew, what I wanted to do for life. 

Instead, I became an actor for several years, working here and abroad, and yet, it always pulled me behind the camera as well, learning, soaking up lighting and techniques and processes. So during the many thirsty stretches not acting, I kept on producing, writing, directing, and at some point I realised that I was more directing than acting, remembered the path I once wanted to follow, and took an my way back.

Alas, being a Millennial with all the flaws of my generation, it took time, and pain, detours and courage to finally take the leap, take on the fight for my life’s dream. 

In a recent conversation with my doctor, she managed to call “still young” and “a middle-aged man” during the same thirty minutes. I did not know what to make of it at that moment. Then, I woke up the other day, and I realised: 

I am making movies for more than half my life.

I am telling stories my entire life. 

I have not even reached half of my life expectancy, and I am expected to work for the next at least 30 years.

I am a writer and a director. 

My name is Thomas, and I am only 37 years old.